Just wanted to document this to myself. Since what might have been my second stroke, a few years before my 3rd stroke that left me with “deficits”. I have got a “ringing” in my head, NOT my ears. I have told several doctors, including my original gp that thought my high blood pressure was “normal” since he and his nurse only believe the reading they get in the office and don’t believe the ones at home or in the drug store are accurate. One neurologist said he knew exactly what was wrong with me, my nerves were getting pinched making the “sound” that different people report differently. I believed him at the time, but never got to get someone to massage my neck every night. Well, the sound was there when I woke up this morning, and has stuck around most of the day. I came to the conclusion that it might be from lack of sleep.
I copied this piece credit is listed after:
You are not alone.
In the midst of hard times, it’s easy to look around and see a bunch of people who seem to be doing just fine. But they’re not. We’re all struggling in our own way. And if we could just be brave enough to open up about it, and talk to each other, we’d realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and alone.
So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you. We are all in this together. So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s always someone who can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out there.
If you’re feeling desperate right now, hear me: I often feel and think and struggle much like you do. I care about many of the things you care about, just in my own way. And although some people do not understand us, we understand each other. YOU are not alone!
I have been struggling with this since my stroke. I feel alone at most times on so many levels. In reality, just my dog up my butt or I really would not have anyone to talk to 95% of the day….while my son is in school, but also when he is not. I keep trying the meetup thing, but I end up alone half of the time there too. I also end up with questions about my stroke, which I don’t mind, but I want to be seen as a person not a strokie. Of course the curse of facebook, everyone is so chatty when they reconnect after not hearing from them in years….then the silent treatment for months at a time.
Rant over, because I really like being alone….once in awhile. I just think since I don’t work everyday I am not conversing with people on a daily basis. I finished, with my son’s help, 95% of the lawn mowing and called it done. It needs some weed whacking but I will do it when I feel like it. I was sweaty, red faced and over heated several times today. Now part of my underarm is sore and I blame pushing and pulling the mower through the holes and dips in my yard.
We had a F1 tornado touch down just a few blocks from my house. I did not go look at that damage, I just saw a mangled tree on facebook. My son also reported he saw a sign that was damaged too.
Things I feared would happen when a storm that bad hit nearby or directly would be my tree that drops dead branches every time the wind blows or it rains too hard would completely fall down. But this tree just dropped a few small dead branches this time. I had a petunia plant that turned over and I had to repot…it was a little dried out since I did not see it until I went out in the afternoon. I also had a wood crate tip over and a small metal wagon a few feet from where I last saw it. I was happy my tomato tree did not turn over. I checked carefully and the three green tomatoes now bigger than golf balls are still green and not eaten by any creatures yet.
Our power was out from 10:30 ish until 4 AM. I am now more prepared, I have my little flashlight with batteries. I told my son to find his, but I doubt he did. I am not going to stock up on food. If I did not eat it all, which I would, the tornado would probably smash it and fly it to unknown lands. I don’t really stock up on water either, there is a big lake within 15 minutes drive from my house. If something affects my area, I could temporarily go to another friends or relatives for awhile.
I also got an update on the bush I tried to propagate yesterday. It might be a forsythia. This is common, and I should really look it up to be sure. A guy I used to work with just posted his unruly forsythia, and the leaves and leaf pattern look similar.
This is my favorite of the “big four” trees planted in my side or corner yard. I was trying to document how much is damaged by disease or insects. I always love looking up at the sunlight that shows between the leaves. My hammock is in this yard, but I don’t lay out there often enough to stare up at the trees. I really need a screened in gazebo here, because there are tons of mosquitos.
My exercise the last two days was mowing a little bit. It takes a lot of effort because of my uneven yard, my stroke affected body and I can not stand sweating. My face turned red yesterday from being “overheated”. I still have more lawn to mow after working on it three days already. I should get about 90 percent of it done today, if it does not rain more and if my son helps me. He did a few rows yesterday. What takes me 1/2 hour takes him 5 minutes and he still complains. I had to pick him up from school and take him to an appointment. I also talked to my mom on the phone. I washed my hair and cooked dinner, all things that take me longer and take more out of me. I am counting my plant propagation as “relaxing” time, as it is something I love to do. I also watered my garden with the watering can. Something is not right with my garden hose or outside faucet.
I bought this groundcover looking plant at the greenhouse last year. It survived the harsh winter in the pot and volunteered onto the ground too. I have already dug up a few and put them into other pots. Yesterday, I tried taking cuttings and stuck them into two different pots. If they “take” I will keep doing this all summer and plant it around to get rid of my grass. Around the house is first to avoid the weed whacker.
I took a few cuttings of this plant. It looks very familiar to me, yet I need to look it up. It has a woody stem, it is hardy since it is growing out of the base of my pine tree. I believe it was planted on purpose in the planter that was around this coniferous tree when I moved in. The planter was almost overgrown by the coniferous tree and coming apart. I saved it for the future, it is in back of my shed. That is where my future millions of projects get thrown. Anyway, I hope these cuttings “take” an it turns out to be a bush or tree that I really wanted anyway.
I did not post last night because shortly after signing into my email we lost power. It was off from 10:30 PM until around 4 AM and continued to go off and on for at least another 30 minutes this morning while I fell back asleep. At first I thought no big deal, it will come back on in an hour or two. But then I started to worry that maybe the whole county or state was without power and I had no way of knowing. I was worried about my ice cream melting in the freezer. The ice cream is safe, I checked it out this morning. I thought of all the ways I was unprepared. I did not have a battery powered radio. Heck my son and I had to share one lantern since my flashlights were either lost in his room, or batteryless in my purse. I thought about using the radio in my car, but I decided it would be best to wait until daylight to do that. Some little things blew off my porch and a few small branches and leaves are down in my yard and in the neighborhood. It was just a thunderstorm. Later today I will be working on getting at least two more flashlights in working order.
I took some pictures of the plants in my yard while it was nice out yesterday. I propagated a few. Others I just wanted to identify or document the deadness of my “decayed” tree. This pic is something growing in my grass under the trees. I think it is super cute. I wish I had more of it and less grass. I do not know what it is. The flash went off since my camera settings were hard to see without my glasses on.