Thank you to my neighbors that put their pretty lights on their home and evergreens. I love lights. I can’t be bothered to hang mine on my porch, I feel they will highlight the unfinished bits from construction and mess of leaves and other gardening debris. I also don’t plan on being home around the holidays. I plan on staring into the lights of my grand- daughters eyes. I have been thinking today of how strange it is anyway since I have evolved into an Atheist. Decorating is an expression of art to me, so will hopefully decorate my home next year with lights. I am not even going to dig out my little fake trees. I am buying no gifts this year, instead I am giving money or IOUs.
What has really been bugging me is the need for others to feel that people are unfortunate if they don’t have a pile of gifts under a tree. This country is the land of excesses. Other peoples excesses have always made me feel ill. I have a warmish house, new roof over my head and some of my underwear and socks are not ripped and threadbare. I am alive, hopefully for several more years. I am not in a home or rehab center, so I feel free. I will be with all my children for the “Holidays” and I could not ask for anything more.
I used to have turkey burgers quite regularly. I have not seen them in the stores lately, so I have not had them in awhile. I went to three stores today in search for the frozen ones I used to buy, or even for fresh ground turkey. No frozen ones anywhere, not even and empty place on the shelf. The third store had ground turkey, the first two did not. I bought the rolls I love covered in sesame seeds. I made three burgers, ate two and saved one for tomorrow. I put on sliced cheese and a combo of ketchup and mustard.
I bought more hot chocolate packs that took hunting in three stores too. My throat has been sore. I have been drowning my soreness in tea, with an occasional cup of hot chocolate or one of my wild cherry hard lemonades I bought back in early summer. I also needed more supplies to do my laundry. With my extra caffeine intake I have wet my pants a few times. I am glad I never run into anyone I know. It seems so strange to live somewhere over a year and still not to know that many people.
My son and I have been having some heated discussions today. He is in a bad mood. He says he is bored with only the internet to entertain him. My usual suggestions result in him yelling back at me in a rage that NNOOO he does not want to do anything I suggest, go anywhere I suggest, etc. He also rather starve than to learn how to cook himself something. I am so glad he is at his friends playing video games now. I am also glad I am tired enough to be asleep when he comes back. I worry so much about his future, and society that has to deal with him too.
I did not take any new photos in awhile can you tell? I did not get much done today. I picked up my son from school, took him to his counseling session, then lunch, then back to school. He is going to be in a motivation mentoring type peer group thing hosted by his behavioral health provider. I hope he enjoys it. He actually gets paid to participate. It is supposed to be part giving back to the community, fun, and social interaction. It sure beats being stuck in this small house with me after school.
I woke up with my throat feeling better, but I could not talk. I had a phone call to make. My phone was left off the charging base all night or more so after one call it was dead. My doctors office called me back, since I could not find where I had written down my referral appointment to the dermatologist. They called again since I could not pick up. I finally let them know I got the message and that my phone had died. I looked up the office on the internet. Easy, somewhere I drive past anyway I thought. I left early to get to the post office with my 6 packages. That went ok, then I drove to find the doctor. Where the internet pointed was a red barn, no signs. I had left my cell phone at my guy friends house so I won’t get it back until Friday. I had no way to call and get directions. I drove down the main road, no sign no clue. I drove home in a hurry to call the office from my house phone. The phone had enough charge but my voice did not. To top it off the directions they gave confused me more. After repeating and asking more questions I finally had it in my head which way to go. I felt so stupid, it is a place I have driven past many times, but not today. There was a big sign, doh. Well, they agreed that the internet map was wrong, they heard it before. So, I got the forms to fill out as new patient. I kind of stumbled through them since I forgot my reading glasses. I got the basic questions birthdate and age. I was trying to fill these out fast, basic easy stuff. I put my birth year 63, then my age I wrote 63. I started laughing so hard I was embarrassing myself. They must have thought I was drunk or insane. I could not stop. I finally contained myself and finished the rest. I forgot my med list too, but know them by heart with bad spelling. Next on to the waiting, thankful for their candy dish to sooth my throat. I glanced through some Smithsonian Mags since I could only read the headlines without my glasses. The doctor was helpful in explaining the freezing procedure and describing what I had was not a mole or cancer. He looked at the other “thing” on my face and left it up to me to have it removed. Since the one on my face does not bother me, it is on my cheek, I opted to leaving it be for now. I was more concerned of it costing too much more than anything. I will find out how much my insurance covers or not later. They do not participate with Medicare. My armpit is in pain, but more like a soreness now.
I was too stunned to go shopping as planned, I was on autopilot and made it home. I was halfway home when I realized I was not headed for shopping. I stopped home and regrouped by making a useful list. I did not forget anything, and made my son carry it all inside. If it was not frozen it is still in a bag on my floor. I hope to play catch up tomorrow.
The snow is pretty falling on wordpress, but not in real life.
Today our snow started to melt some more but not all the way. I sold a few things on Ebay, that was a big surprise to me. Some were big and or heavy, so a chore to pack. I think I am finally starting to learn to stick with the smalls. I hope in the next few days to get some more pics to get rid of my hoard pile of unexciting ebay junk. I am hoping to group things together for higher dollar amounts instead of making a dollar or two.
I saw on facebook a video about getting in and out of a bathtub. That is my next goal, since I have not had a bath since my stroke. (almost three years ago) I long for a bubble bath soak. First order of goal is to clean out the tub. The new stuff I bought to clean did not work very well. I found a partial bottle under the kitchen sink of the old stuff.
Second hurdle to taking a bath will be bending my knees far enough to get my ass in the tub without having to fall in. I think if I hold on to my grab bar I might be able to do it. Fear is what stops me from living the life I want. I am learning to overcome fear.
Outside my windows I see grey cloudy skies. Melted snow drips off my roof. Outside my only door is surrounded by chaos and dog poo. My car has a coating of sand and salt. I saw cat paw prints and wondered if they were from a homeless cat left to fend for itself. The bleak and bleary season is full on.
I thought about what and how I was going to make my painting for my granddaughter’s first Christmas gift. Watercolor only or multimedia. I love crafting together multimedia, but only have a vague vision of how it will turn out. I know I just need to actually start it, and something will speak to me.
The view in the pic is from the hospital “solarium”. I spent some time in there waiting to see the baby. I wish it had a balcony, so my pics would not have to be shot through the window. This is The Charles (river) with Boston in the background.
But before I get back to commented on my own way of dealing with life after a stroke, here is a awesome video! Well, looks like I am not smart enough to get the movie on here. No surprise, I did not even know it was a movie until my 13 year old son told me.