I will be a volunteer patient to a bunch of physical therapy students. I am hoping for the latest cutting edge technology and methods. It will be more than one hour to drive there. I am hoping each day I go for decent weather.
I can’t regurgitate all the thoughts that went through my head during the week. Today was a mellow and chill out day. Free of any tasks of the mind, for me. I am learning from a 7 year old pit bull how nice it is to cuddle and snooze all day. No physical therapy was attempted.
I am dog sitting this weekend. I drove 3 hours one way to pick up Ash, and then 3 hours back. Before I left, I had both OT and PT. I can hardly walk, but my meds are starting to work. While waiting, I walked around several stores. It never ends the stares I get while hobbling about. It might have been the hot chocolate that dripped all over my jacket. I drove through and ordered a hot chocolate. I was looking forward to the little bit of caffeine. I had a few sips, but as always it was too hot for human consumption. The next opportunity of straight driving (I drive with only one hand), I picked up the cup and was amazed how light it felt and proceeded to sip. Nothing. I look down, both my cup holders were full. The cup had a small hole on the bottom. It dribbled all over my jacket and console. I had to buy paper towels and wipes to clean up. All the extra napkins I had acquired were not enough. It was already dry on my jacket, I am glad it was black.
I had a hard time getting myself together today. I did manage to make it to the school to walk. I walked the whole mile. I stopped on the way to pick up another script refill, I can’t wait until they all coordinate and run out at the same time. My insurance does not let me pick them up early. I guess if I wanted to OD I would have to do it when they are first refilled. My knees are killing me, I still am not used to doing a mile on a regular basis. I have therapy first thing tomorrow. Then I leave on a short road trip to meet my daughter and son-in-law to pick up Ashley to dog sit. I hope we don’t get the Nor’easter. Ashley does not like to go out in the snow.
I will have to face my failures tomorrow. I pulled up my credit score yesterday, I knew it would be bad. I am going to confidently try to maneuver my way into getting my own place one way or another. Burying my head in the sand will only get me fleas. I can hear no 50 times and not lose hope when I call 51. I wish this was the truth, but it is far from who I am. I will at least call a few people tomorrow to see what I can do, and where I go from here.
I made it through both therapy and walking at school. Taking the aspirin before I walk is a lifesaver. When I felt the aspirin kick in I walked without even feeling my legs. If I did not walk, I would not get enough exercise and end up living in fear of having another stroke. I still might have one, but at least I know I am doing almost all I can to prevent it. Going to sleep earlier is still in the plans too.
I hope to get my car washed tomorrow. It is one of those things I used to take for granted. I could drive a mile to the other side of town, and scrounge up $2 of quarters to wash it myself. Now, I can’t hold the pressure with one hand comfortably, and walk around the slippery car wash floor at the same time. I have to drive 20 minutes to the next town over, to utilize the automatic car wash. Only a few more months, I keep telling myself.
I made it to the school to walk. I am not even sure how far. I can’t keep track and worry at the same time. I know it was less than one mile. My attempt to go to sleep earlier last night was a lost cause. I tossed and turned, then cried myself to sleep. I paid the price by remaining in a deep funk most of today. I will try harder to turn my attitude around tomorrow. A clean car will help.
In my never ending attempt to eat more candy than I should, I almost stopped to buy some necco conversation hearts tonight. I then had the brilliant idea to wait a day or two and get them half off. This is the first year in a long time I did not buy any Valentines cards or candy for anyone. I usually at least get my mom one. That was when I lived 6 hours away and only saw her 3 or 4 times a year. I did not get my kids any either, or any of my exes. Oh well, life goes on (hopefully).
I made it to school tonight and walked the whole mile. I owed myself, I took Friday night off. I did too much driving Saturday, and recovering Sunday. I don’t have therapy until Wednesday. With my brain filled with thoughts of sugar, I forgot to stop and pick up one of my meds I ran out of. I will have to brave the cold and do it tomorrow. My mom made a whole bunch of cookies to give to her friends, she better give most of them away. I can’t exercise enough to get past the weight I am stuck at now. I hate when that happens. After waking up twice last night thinking I was having another stroke, I am not really tempted to eat more tortilla chips. I might cave tomorrow, I will try to eat more salsa than chips, and leave the cheese off.
I actually thought for a split second I was stroking out or having a heart attack. I woke up gasping from anxiety (my terminology), one time my left arm felt completely numb. When I had my actual stroke last year, I did the anxiety gasp wake up followed by gradual numbing of my left arm. The numbing did not start until after I had taken a bath to calm myself down. I also forgot to mention on my blog (my only written record to myself), my left ear had the blood in it again a few days ago. I felt it before I put the Q-tip in, stupid doctors always blame it on the Q-tip.
The day is almost over. I almost forgot my post today. I don’t have anything to write about, so I will just say goodnight.
This is not the place I drove 3 hours to see today. I am so discouraged, and tired. I am not totally discouraged, I did look at a second possibility. I still did not rule out the first one I looked at entirely. I just have to price out removing the rotten piece of building that is on the property, so it would be a building site with well, electric, and septic all set up.
Yes heat is needed, not only in the winter. Around here, you need heat in the summer too. That is why I am taking a road trip Saturday to find a new place to live. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much. They could not get any higher right now. I am supposed to be sleeping so I can get up early. Since I usually toss and turn to 2-3AM, I am hoping it does not happen tonight.