I am still alive. Some physical things have improved, just a little. I think mentally I am worse off. I never dealt well with being frustrated, and now I face it constantly. I am trying to prepare myself how it might be forever, but it does not sink in. Then something happens that would not have if I did not have the stroke and I break down emotionally. I have been on the downward slide the last few weeks. I am counting on my spirits being lifted by Spring and Summer.
My plan for this year, my 50th on Earth, is to prepare my house to survive next winter without so much worry. A snowblower, better walkway, handrail, working furnace, insulated pipes and improved windows, doors and roof should ease my mind considerably. It all seems so far away now. This time last year, owning and living in my own house seemed just as far. Two years ago today I was stuck in a hospital bed and could not move my left arm or leg at all. It was so uncomfortable I hardly slept all week. I was also scared I was having another stroke several times. Two years ago plus one week, I was in inpatient rehab, it was worse than jail. I have never been to jail, but having to wait for an aid to help me go to the bathroom is torture.