This is what stress looks like.

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My house is looking much worse before it gets better. Things are falling apart, hiding spiders and bees. I am scared to weed whack my lawn. It might have just been a frog, but something moved near my front deck. I did not see it. It is the fear of the unknown that freezes me up. I put things off. I am trying to push through the fear. I painted next to crawling ants today. I am not scared of ants. I have tried to get rid of them for weeks, but they just crawl over my ant bait. I just don’t want to paint my antique radio cabinet, that I am using as a kitchen cabinet, only to have ants stuck to it. Well I vacuumed whoever I saw crawling and just started to prime away. I need to take the handles out tomorrow to spray paint. I need to remember to do this early before it gets too hot to breathe. I then need to line up my odds and ends paint to see what color the cabinet will end up. I was thinking pale pink today, but who knows what I will be thinking tomorrow. The rest of my cabinets are wood and I did not paint the walls yet. The bathroom walls are next, maybe. I live like an ADD spazoid, making too many decisions then changing my mind before I start. Couple that with the memory loss and I am one unproductive chic. I remembered to eat linner (lunch/dinner) as my small bit of applesauce breakfast did not make it all the way to dinner.
I love to paint, but I made a mess today. I tipped over another gallon, losing maybe 1/4 to 1/2.
I did not ruin the carpet like last time, but I ruined to entryway. I also added to the character of my shorts. I dug out the big fan today. That is why the paint spilled. My fan was crammed into my small closet and I worked up a sweat and still did not get it out until after the paint was cleaned up. It is now at the foot of my bed so I can dream in comfort.

My sleep schedule is messed up again. I went bowling with strangers tonight, ,with a Meetup group. I made a sammie when I got home. I did not want to eat out/there. My foot has been swelling with the heat. I bowled a 95, then was doing worse in the second game. I think I ended up with a 63, and that was with a strike. I consider them both good games because I did not fall on my face. I showed people that stroke survivors still want to do stuff. I also answered I am an Atheist to one person that wanted to chat religion. She asked if I grew up as an Atheist. I was saved by my turn to bowl.
Need to push through my house mess tomorrow. More painting in the heat. Deciding on paint colors and hoping all the creepy crawlies go away inside and out.

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5 thoughts on “This is what stress looks like.

  1. A breath of fresh air and a bite of chocolate will make it all better….or at least make YOU feel better! Remodeling a messed up house at any stage is more than nerve wracking.

    • I don’t stop at one bite of chocolate, and I don’t breathe right…this is going to be a long ongoing process, and if it does not kill me, it will be better soon….now I need the weather to cooperate

  2. I’d love to find a bowling group again, I was pretty damn good in Minneapolis. Meetups are now where I find my new social groups.

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