This is a few hours south, across the street from a friends. I love the view she has. I miss the rolling hills I grew up around, and for a time owned a piece of while married. I now get my singleness thrown in my face. Enough to let me know how alone I am, and maybe forever. There is a new MeetUp group for singles in my area over 50. Yea sounds great and what I need to join. Problem is only two people are now members, the only guy (organizer) says he has a girlfriend. My online dating has been more of the same. Guys are either total fruit loops that need lifelong therapy (mental) not physical. Then there are the ones that email back and forth a few times, only to never be heard from again. Was it something I said? Did they finally read my crazy bio? I am going to change my online name and bio. It has survivor in it, and guys get the wrong idea. I am also taking out the “I had a stroke” blurb. I look much healthier than their beer barrel tank stomached, aged 20 years beyond their years bodies. Yes, I am being mean. I am overweight myself, but I don’t have a leathery face (yet). I might have another stroke, but I am conscious and try to be proactive to preventing that.
My son is at the middle school dance for a few hours. So, I feel extra alone. I am broke and have nowhere to go. No one to call to make plans for tomorrow. Are the violins too loud yet. I even make myself sick. Well, it is just temporary reflection. I will get over it. I know I will, it is supposed to be awesome weather for a week! First time all year it seems.
It is fall again. It can stay fall, all the way to spring. My house now has a ridge vent on the roof. It has most of the tools out of the living room. Most of my paperwork is organized. I have more wine crate headboard to fill with pictures and books. We took the doors off my closet so now I can see and access everything. My turntable cupboard is now unstuck. I found my reading glasses. I have hope my hoarder hole (the one side of my room piled with things to sell) will be organized by the end of the week. I am so tired, but feel better.
I went to planet fitness and enjoyed my water massage, before working out. I also weighed myself. I am a whole 5 pounds more than last time. My fat ass was tired when I got home, so I did not enjoy the beautiful day. I made my son pasta for dinner, turkey burgers for me, and cookies for both. I hope to take a walk tomorrow, go to the gym, and take a road trip after I get my tires checked out. The last two will happen for sure. I have to borrow a tool for my son to continue repairing my home.
At the end of this month this measly blog will be two years old. I think of it as a bigger milestone than living two years post stroke. Only because it is kept track of by WordPress not me.
Yes that is baking, not barking. I was making my son’s frozen pizza for his school lunch tomorrow. I made a mental note as I brought water into my room to take my pills to not forget about it. I forgot about it, and I forgot my pills. I drank all the water. I burned the pizza. Good thing the stroke did not affect my sense of smell. I got it out just before too far gone to recognize. That means my pizza loving fat ass has a midnight snack. I threw the pizza dough together and am waiting for it to rise. I now need to remember to make a small pizza before I fall asleep. I am going to freeze the leftover dough in portions, in case I do this again. I most certainly will.
Well, I am still stress free. It must be the yoga. I made it through the whole hour. I am now confidant I can do some on my floor mat at home. My favorite pose, the corpse. I had that one perfect, lie on my back, close my eyes and shut everything out as we breathe. I have been doing yoga all along, but did not know it. Really I don’t breathe deep enough, but I will try to sometime.
I hope I wake up without this threat of sore throat that has been on and off for a few days. I am supposed to try yoga tomorrow, I like to stretch. I don’t know if I will be able to do anything except the stretch my arms over my head. I will have to use my good hand to make my left side cooperate.
I feel really let down by everything. Nothing seems to be as engaging as I imagined it should be. It could just be the cold night air reminding me I am going to freeze soon. It could be the mice trying to live under my floor. I did not take the car anywhere today. Although at one point I just wanted to drive somewhere new and think.
I pushed myself the last two days just to get the lawn mowed. My son helped, and it is still not 100% done. I had a swearing match with the weed whacker several times. It is now torn apart, and if I ever get the string unbound from the one half, I can start all over again. I am really struggling to take care of myself and my house. I am not doing a good job at either one. I try to be like a real person and go out. I have no close friends so I go out to meetup groups. I struggle to drag myself to some of those. I recently took a short train trip with a group. Only three of us showed up. It was dark out, so scenery was limited. I can not dance or drink, so merry making was at a minimum. The few guys my age onboard were with dates. Tomorrow, I am going bowling. I love bowling so even if I endure lack of people interaction, I can practice my game. The last time my left hand did not shake so much. I think I will wear my brace this time, so I don’t walk so hobbly.
The pic is of inside the train station office. It is sealed off and just for display. There were a few other cool things, but my pictures came out shitty.
Anyway getting back to me being tired. I took my dog for a run, she ran I hobbled. I then took her for a ride to the store. I needed to get a few things for dinner and for my son’s school lunch. Shopping exhausts me physically from maneuvering the cart around all the crap displays in the aisles. It exhausts me mentally for having to pay so much even though I bought no meat and just a few basics. I did not get everything put away. I did not clean up after eating. It will be there tomorrow, and I will stare at it wondering why I can not keep up. Still I keep pushing myself to appear normal and try to have a normal life. I am still trying to connect with someone with online dating. The guys say they want to meet, then they disappear. Some say they are 53 and they look 63 or even 73! I won’t talk to the ones that can not write a sentence or have toilet paper in their picture background. This cuts out over half. I have high standards, but I guess they have higher ones because I put I had a stroke and walk funny.
We had to stay behind the fence for our own safety, or the boats safety. If we were terrorists we could have swam to the boat, it was only going 5 miles per hour. I was trying to get a picture of the 70s style brick building.
It is almost Friday the 13th! Hopefully a lucky day. It is my baby girls 30th birthday. I won’t see her until next week. I hope to buy her a winning lottery ticket tomorrow. I did not mail out her card yet, even though I bought it in time. I guess I knew the winning lottery ticket will be bought tomorrow. $1 and a dream, that is all I have. I have millions of dreams and only $1.
Reblogged from Amy, Are Neurologists Respected? I liked the ones I had in the hospital, but I was on vacation in another state.
I am giving him credit for having the most charisma, playing the part of the original batman. I love Val Kilmer, but he is not batman. Nor are the other actors. They are just trying to be cool like the retro TV series. Similar to no one else can be Bewitched, like Elizabeth Montgomery.
I have a bunch of Adam West as Batman postcards on ebay. They were made in the 70s, in Spain. I also have retro Munsters and Forbidden Planet.