I am soooo tired

IMG_7344 I pushed myself the last two days just to get the lawn mowed. My son helped, and it is still not 100% done. I had a swearing match with the weed whacker several times. It is now torn apart, and if I ever get the string unbound from the one half, I can start all over again. I am really struggling to take care of myself and my house. I am not doing a good job at either one. I try to be like a real person and go out. I have no close friends so I go out to meetup groups. I struggle to drag myself to some of those. I recently took a short train trip with a group. Only three of us showed up. It was dark out, so scenery was limited. I can not dance or drink, so merry making was at a minimum. The few guys my age onboard were with dates. Tomorrow, I am going bowling. I love bowling so even if I endure lack of people interaction, I can practice my game. The last time my left hand did not shake so much. I think I will wear my brace this time, so I don’t walk so hobbly.
The pic is of inside the train station office. It is sealed off and just for display. There were a few other cool things, but my pictures came out shitty.
Anyway getting back to me being tired. I took my dog for a run, she ran I hobbled. I then took her for a ride to the store. I needed to get a few things for dinner and for my son’s school lunch. Shopping exhausts me physically from maneuvering the cart around all the crap displays in the aisles. It exhausts me mentally for having to pay so much even though I bought no meat and just a few basics. I did not get everything put away. I did not clean up after eating. It will be there tomorrow, and I will stare at it wondering why I can not keep up. Still I keep pushing myself to appear normal and try to have a normal life. I am still trying to connect with someone with online dating. The guys say they want to meet, then they disappear. Some say they are 53 and they look 63 or even 73! I won’t talk to the ones that can not write a sentence or have toilet paper in their picture background. This cuts out over half. I have high standards, but I guess they have higher ones because I put I had a stroke and walk funny.

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