My Favorite Holiday

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I love Halloween. I feel like I failed with the decorations this year. No real pumpkin. My lights and decorations did not make it out of the shed. I did not even get my porched cleaned off. As always, Halloween happened anyway. I had 74 visitors, only had pre-made 72 bags, so the last two got a few left over pieces. Such cute little shy kids. Only one or two bold ones, one being a parent. He must of been a cop in real life. He knocked the loudest on my door, and shone his flashlight in before I opened it. I am happy my dog was very gentle poking her nose in the first few kids bags to sniff. I had her blocked in my room most of the rest of the night. Another rainy night, I hope for a Halloween where I can sit on my porch to hand out treats instead of opening and closing the door. Tomorrow, I hope to score a bag of candy I like. I bought my son’s favorite Nestle Crunch. He did not go out or dress up. He stayed home, watched Beetlejuice and did his homework and kept the dog company.

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^!#500#!^

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500 is a big number, it is not a million, but it is how many posts I have now. Woot Woot, I know no one cares but me. At least I still care and love myself. Ha Ha Waah Waah. It is funny, but it is not.
I hope to make $500 tomorrow. That is a dream. I hope to get rid of 500 mice, or the few I hear trying to get into my house. I need to get 500 signatures notarized tomorrow. I hope to get 500 minutes of sleep. I am supposed to go to an outdoor event tomorrow night. I don’t want to go, I hope it rains so I can say I am not going.

I had a little pause, but I am not refreshed

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I have been doing good with my incontinence the last few weeks. Then last night my son was in the shower when I got home from my online “date”. I should have stayed sitting down until he was out. I started to put away things from the grocery store, it was too late. Well, leading into my online dating story. I can not even impress a lonely man 10 years older than me. We talked for two hours. I felt like I got the brush off, he wanted someone with common hobbies. I hope he finds a wonderful women that scuba dives and flies RC airplanes. Really, how many couples like the same things? I guess it did not help I could not think of anything except crocheting and bowling. I was brain dead from my hands freezing. I might try drinking alcohol next time. If there is a next time. I feel so confident that there must be someone that wants a hobbler that pees her pants. I can’t hoard a million cats or dogs because my one is too much expense.
I am so bored, I am going to add a poll, just because I see a button to click.

My Downward Spiral, Upon a Sinking Ship, Tumbling Down the Ravine

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This is just a generalized statement, mostly to one certain person, but to let everyone know my theory. I realize the rest of my life is screwed. I could win the biggest lotto and then pay for top notch therapy and gadgets to make my life better, but I am still fucked up….deep down. I can watch all the water leak out of the bucket knowing it is all going to be empty and do nothing. I can throw a plug in it or patch it. It might slow down enough so you can not see the water slowly oozing out. That water is going to leak out. I also have to choice to bitch and moan about the leaking or I can party and celebrate I will finally have a dry bucket.

I lived my first 50 years bitching and moaning and wallowing in pity, all that did was make sure I had a stroke along the way. I made the choice to do as much as I can from now on. It does not matter if that is right or wrong or more harmful to me. I am done being afraid of choices, I am taking the fun way out.

Today was a grey day, unlike the pic from last weekend

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It is nice and warm, but raining steady. I hope there is less snow because of the rain we are getting now. My lawn did not get mowed. My feet get soaked walking to the car. I vowed to fix that this year, but there are always too many things that come up.
My son set the pace of the day, vomitting and staying home from school. I have been feeling woozy, but I don’t have a stomach bug yet. I went out to get my son ginger ale and my dog some baby carrots for treats. She loves them. I love the fact I don’t have to bake them, just open the bag and hand them out. She let me eat half of one, then I thought she was going to eat my hand to get the other half. She usually is really gentle. I guess she did not want to share.
I got two different guys to message me on plenty of fish. I guess after mentioning how it sucked the other day, the computer spies tried to prove me wrong. Still a few messages and no real “date”.

Pretending Everything Will Be Allright

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Fake it until you make it usually means to smile until you are happy. I am not a smiler, unless my stroke smile gets stuck. I hate that feeling of no control. I intend to fake being well off until I am. So lets see how long this lasts. I am talking both financially and physically. Right now I feel like crap, either major flu or some disease from the tick that was on my arm. I am only staying awake to finish the laundry. I do have one thing to be thankful for. I have another electric heater off night, and it is warm 58 degrees outside.

Fall Colors in CNY

IMG_7536Each type of tree varies, some have peaked and lost most of their leaves already. Some are dull and some blazing. Some love this time of year. I think it is ok, but I like green trees. Shade and oxygen are life givers. Fall is crunchy walking. Slippery when wet walking. Cold nights remind me the power company owns me. I will try to be positive, because that is what is supposed to bring positive results. I love the warm weather we are having. Thanks global warmers. I don’t own air conditioning, so no added expense with these extra warm fall days. It rained all day here. It was just misty, not flooding downpours. My dog still had to get her feet wet, so I had to coax her outside.

I did my volunteer training for cat adoptions at PetSmart. I scooped kitty litter and cleaned their cages with one hand. I guess I will be able to do it one night per week. They need a lot more attention then they are getting. They are getting fed, watered and are warm, but they need petting, scratching, combing and socialization….just like me. I won’t be a crazy cat lady, I appreciate them. I still like dogs better.