Goodbye Snow, Hello Mud

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It was a beautiful warm day today. It dried up the yard a bit, but I still squished into the mud as I walked on the high ground to my car. My socks got wet. I am a big wuss with no wellies, so I did no yard work. There is so much to do outside, there is so much to do inside too. I am overwhelmed. I get burned out easily. I have been working many hours on my ebay, so other things got behind. Tomorrow is the day my son has a counseling appointment, followed by his group meeting, so I will be gone for hours. It should still be daylight when we get home.

My yard actually gets this wet in the summer too. That is why I need raised beds or a container garden. I have just a few more days to payday, so I won’t be getting anything new for my garden this year. My bills are growing exponentially. I was not prepared to live on a fixed income. My whole life was paycheck to paycheck, being disabled just makes the paychecks further apart.

I am eating all the bits and pieces of food in the fridge that get overlooked when something easier and more appetizing is around. Yesterday I used pizza dough I made from scratch and a can of cherry pie filling that was at least a year old, and made cherry calzones. They were yummy. Tonight I used the eggs that became frozen by leaving out all day to thaw, I whipped them and then mixed them into my cornbread recipe and instead of baking I made griddle cakes. My oven is not working, because my electricity needs to be repaired. I finished off my daughters homemade apple butter by cutting bite size griddle cake pieces and mopping up the jar. It was much easier than trying to scrape it out with a utensil one handed. There was only a little left, so I moved on to the amazing raspberry spreadable fruit that I bought when I received much more food stamps. I spread that on and ate until I was finally full. I pig out when I am hungry, in case you did not know. I have enough left over for breakfast and maybe another partial meal. Tomorrow I will most likely go back to pasta. It was on sale a few weeks ago, so we have had that often. My son likes it plain, I love sauce and veggies. I am out of veggies so I might buy some tomorrow with some of my ebay money I transferred over. Once again, if I did not sell anything we would be without food the last week or two. I also have not driven anywhere to conserve my gas so we can make my son’s appointment tomorrow.

I should have taken a walk in the road today, but I felt like a skank. I have not showered in two days because of the drainage problems.  When I went to take a shower today, I realized that the hot water heater must have flooded out the pilot light. I was not courageous enough to try to light it today, but I will be desperate tomorrow. Gas lighting scares me. I guess there is a good chance I won’t blow up, but I would like that chance to be zero. I need hot water to shower and wash dishes. Princesses or Queens should not have to deal with such mundane details. I was a princess in my past life, and should be a queen in this one. I guess I have to be queen of getting stuff done.

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Green Soggy Green

IMG_9103I never cleaned up in the fall to get ready for Winter. Big mistake. There was never a break of good weather once the snow started to put away my iron based table and iron chairs, my pots under cover, or even my hose away. Lesson learned terra cotta splits when it is frozen too many times. Hopefully things will dry up a bit so I can clean up this week.

More like a castle

I have a moat. Flooding, the price I pay to get rid of the snow.

Postive actions today: transferred some money into my checking account that got down to $1….yay, I might live until next weeks payday. Will be listing more items on Ebay tonight. Only did a few yesterday before getting sidetracked, but for good reasons.

Positive thought’s for today: There was enough clear ground in my front yard for robins to try to find something to eat between raindrops. I can see the tops of my gnomies! They will need repainting for sure, but they did not look too healthy pre winter….bonus, make them purple and blue instead of red. I have more sprouts, a couple tomatoes, a serrano pepper, watermelon and some herbs that I forgot to label but I think they are chives.

If my dog was a horse, she would be sleek black with white

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The day is almost over, so will report my positive happenings: I did all the laundry at the laundry mat, and I finally put the windshield wash liquid in my car. That is all, it took all day.

Positive thoughts today: I sent an email to someone that said “I believe miracles, Where’re you from?”. If you do not know,  youngsters, that is from a Hot Chocolate song, Sexy Thing. I am going to work on my ebay listings until I am too tired to move. I finally have a few bids on items. List more, sell more, I believe in miracles. I will make miracles happen. I am the mighty and powerful Oz, well I can hide behind a curtain.

Still Working On Being Staying Positive

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From a vintage 1960s postcard, I bring you kitties, tulips and a butterfly. Dreaming of rainbows and lollipops I am not.

Positive thought of the day. It will be above freezing today, but not too warm as to make the spring flooding worse.

Positive actions: I am still working on listing all my Ebay stuff while I have free listings left. I also hope to get my garbage ready to take today and stop at the store for flour to make pizza dough. My son only eats pizza I make at home for his school lunch. He is able to get free lunch since people on SSDI (me) live below the poverty level, but his eating habits have been a part of my anxiety since he was about 3 years old. From ages 1 to 3 he ate almost every food I did. From about age twelve to now he might try 2 or three foods a year and add a new one to his list. So I make his pizza at night, and hope to get him to cook soon, or at least wash dishes. On a positive note I have been able to rely on him waking himself up and getting ready for school without any input from me. This is huge since he hates school. It is also huge since I have not even been conscious the last few days as he left for school.

I Am Becoming The Old Ugly Miserable Bitch I Never Wanted To Be

IMG_8683I am trying to stop it before it kills me. Stress kills, Fuck Bills….my new mantra, because without that mindset I have no hope.

My positive thought for today: There are spots of sunshine coming through on this cold way too cold for this time of year day.

My positive action: I listed something new on ebay and had one sale yesterday. I am not getting rich or even getting by, but I am not giving up trying.

 

My Positive Thought For Today

IMG_8417I need to cook a batch of meth to pay my electric bill……..they want it now and don’t give a bleeping care about the payment arrangement I made a few weeks ago, and get this….the envelope they enclosed to mail back said arrangement goes to the wrong department.

 

Challenging Myself To Stay Positive

IMG_8581I have just decided on a whim to focus my blog, this blog, to be about positive about my life and try to block out the negative. It seems almost impossible for me, since I have been deeply depressed since the beginning of Winter. It also seems like a huge task to block out the negative, but we do it all the time. I love elephants. (many of my Ebay items when bought send a small donation to the Tennessee Elephant Sanctuary) I love to go to the circus, and just never really realized that by supporting the circus I am contributing to possible abuse of these highly intelligent creatures. To some extent zoos are not the ideal place to house wild creatures either. Awareness brings both negative guilt to me, but at least swaying to the positive side of the Universe by making me more aware. Well this paragraph might not get my point across or even be coherent…..but I know what I mean. For my challenge I will post at least one positive statement each day….and will leave out all my swearing, whining, and complaining and that is an enormous (elephant pun) challenge for me.

My positive happenings today are: I woke up earlyish for me and started working on Ebay. I enjoyed the bright light coming in from the window even though it is snowing on this second day of  Spring. I am looking forward to going to the auction tonight. It is both a night “out” for me and a chance of finding something that might make me a few much needed dollars.

My positive thought for the day: I would love to help so many causes, but, I realize to do so I must help myself first. Yay to not starving or being a frozen popsicle for one more day!

 

Saint Dominic Medal

IMG_8411I am not religious, but I have three religious medals I am selling on Ebay. I like how this is worn down, most likely from someone hanging on to it while they asked for something.

I keep forgetting to write down what I want. I need to first because I forget so often. Second it is my way of letting the universe know. Things were kind of not going my way the last few days, but I keep fighting against the Universe. I figure the Universe does not know what I want. Let me make it clear, I am tired of struggling and trying to figure out how to pay my medical bills and my Winter heating bills. I need to know where to put my energy into earning more, as much as I can with my physical limitations. I like selling things on Ebay, and some months are more hopeful than others.

Tomorrow, all I ask from the Universe is that my car starts and I have time to drive to take the garbage and drop it off, do my laundry at the laundrymat, stop at the store to buy a few groceries and still have energy to put everything away when I get home. I also have to stop by the town office to get their letter notarized.

I planted a few more serrano pepper seeds today. My peas are sprouted and look like mini vines already. I also have watermelon (I keep trying, but not a good northern crop), green peppers, cherry tomatoes and purple tomatoes planted. Nothing else has sprouted yet. These are all inside on my kitchen counter. It has been near 0 degrees at night and we still have a foot of snow to melt.

 

Am I The Only One That Hates The Song Let It Go?

IMG_8418I first heard the song when it won an award. I can’t believe it won in the first place, it should win for most annoying song ever. What I hate most about it is the way the “O”  sound in go is abruptly cut off. When I think of songs and music the vowels are drawn out in a sweet melody. I am no music expert, but I know what offends my ears.

What do people really know about letting it go? People that survived a tornado, forest fire and lost loved ones or all their belongings and way of life…..kind of like a stroke survivor, we know how to let it go.