She is quiet, lets me listen to any music. Does not complain when I sing along or don’t talk at all. She likes to ride just because. She must because she always does the twist and turn jump dance when I get my keys. She looks at the passing scenery just like me. She likes to sniff out the window, but not always. Sometimes she just looks. We are so much alike.
The snow is slowly melting, but it is still nasty on the roads to walk while impaired. I am out of shape, out of breath. I fear I gained more than the 10 pounds I am sure of. I am slower and weaker. I fell a week or so ago. I was turning around in my tiny kitchen. My head hit the corner of the leg of the table before hitting the floor. My forehead was bruised, and probably further back above my ear it felt like my skull split, though blood did not poor out. I also skinned my elbow along with other ouchies. I fear having another stroke the most, second to that fear is falling. At least it is not in public. My next biggest fear post stroke is wetting my pants in public. It has not happened yet, but I have come too close.
So it has been almost exactly three years since “the big one” that knocked half of me down and changed my life. Progress is happening, but not fast enough. All the changes in healthcare reform I was passionate in seeing made fall by the wayside as I can barely take care of myself. I mean that literally. It takes my whole day to eat, bath, dress, change clothes again as I spill things frequently or piss my pants from not getting my pants down quick enough. I am constantly distracted from doing my necessary routine, which makes me forget important things like taking my meds, letting the dog out before noon, or mailing my sister’s birthday card that is sitting on my table (stamps just purchased are sitting on the ledge by the door). Her birthday is in 2 days.
Another attempt at helping volunteer for dog “justice” also gets put on the back burner. I can barely afford to take care of my own dog. Through the same mental illness that does not let me file my own paperwork, I have not been to the town to get her dog license. I also need to bring papers there to notarize so they know I want public septic installed on my property. Looking through stacks of papers today to find certain things that were never found, I came across several things I should have gotten to while wasting the winter away.
Whiney, bitchy winter post. I stayed home today. Not much got done. I took a few pics of things to sell. I made homemade pizza in the electric skillet. I made sure Ashley knew I was not going anywhere. She freaked out yesterday since we had to leave her home alone while I took my son to his appointments. We came home to millions of used paper plates scattered around. She had fun licking off all the foods that she is allergic too. Today she was extra itchy and gassy. She is lucky she is cute. She is also lucky she did not set the house on fire since many of the paper plates were shoved against the electric heater.
We finished watching Breaking Bad the other day. I can’t believe Hank died, and Gomey. Poor Jesse, Holly, and Flynn they will be scarred for life. My teenage son who does not like anything, now wants to go visit New Mexico. I am so happy, since getting him interested in anything other than video games is a full time, unsuccessful chore. We want to go for different reasons, but at last I interested him in a road trip.
It is going to be below zero at night again this week. It is going to be below freezing all week again. It snowed more today. I have only seen my green grass once since Nov. I can’t walk the streets of my little town. My dog refused to run when I took her to the park. She shivered.
I was so happy that my teenage son agreed to go to New Mexico with me. He wants to go for totally different reasons. I now have a bribe to hold over him so he passes 8th grade. I told him we won’t go if he fails. I want to see aliens in Roswell, route 66 kitsch and warm my face in the sun and see parks and museums. He wants to do the Breaking Bad ABQ Tour.