I Am Hot


I am also dirty. Soooo, I finally have a working heating system in my home. This is big, because I have lived here for over two years. It gets below zero most winters. Electric space heaters work when it is above 35 degrees (farenheight for non USA people) outside. They are expensive to run, and not reliable or the safest. I was feeling so good that for the first time in my home ownership (of two houses, and one mobile over the years) that the proper heating system was working. It was snowy today, and I had to clear off my car and go pick up my son from school to take him to a counseling appointment. Driving on normal days tires me out. Today the fatigue really kicked in and I fell asleep after getting home and woke up after 8:30PM. I just puttered around not really doing anything, thinking I will make a plan to get my chores back on track tomorrow. So I did not wash dishes again. No big deal, I often do a few days worth at one time. My good feelings of things finally going right in my life ended when my son started screaming as he took a shower. My first thoughts were the drain was backing up (it does often), then maybe a ugly bug got loose with all the repairs going on. I yelled through the door “what’s wrong”, of course there was no hot water. Damn, I tried to start our natural gas water tank back up, but of course I can not even turn the dial or see to read the directions that I can not remember. Starting it up just scares me anyhow. So, I have not showered since Monday and I am starting to feel gross. I guess I always have to take the bad with the good. I never seem to get just a streak of good things happening to me. I am warm enough though. I turned the heat down at night to save a few pennies since it is usually warm enough under the covers.

A glimpse inside my house


My small Winter Solstice/Festivus/Christmas Tree is standing next to the three Snoopys of Christmas past.

The heating repair guy is supposed to be here first thing tomorrow morning….heres to hoping I get real heat soon. We are supposed to be getting a winter “storm” the next few days.

I got food stamps again. We will be eating so well now with the extra $16 a month, if the price of food decreases 1000%. I wish the Republicans who voted to reduce food stamps would come visit my house. They can look at my budget too, and tell me how to cut back on necessities to make this work.

I went bowling tonight. It was $1 a game night. It will probably be the only time I go out this month, unless I drive over to the casino to listen to the free band.

I Am Single Again


I can not explain, because I don’t understand, it was not my idea. We never had a fight or disagreement. He was always respectful and polite. He said I love you just a short while earlier. He said he does not think he can be in the kind of relationship I want. What? I guess it took him over a year to realize. He also said he wanted to see other people (he used people instead of women?). This was just messaged to me out of the blue. I had a immediate response of swear words, death threats, and curses I messaged back to him. I called him a liar, since he has to be lying now, or he lied to me in the past. I finally calmed down enough to apologize for my harsher death threats and curses. That does not stop me from breaking down (hopefully less now, each passing day makes it more real). Uhhhggg…so many negative and bad things getting thrown at me all at once. My son got sick. My dog ate stuff she shouldn’t and is scratching herself till she bleeds, my boiler does not work, my toilet is leaking, my drainage problem has returned.

I have learned not to worry and stress about my problems since my stroke, but I still think and sometimes obsess over them. Maybe getting dumped will be the best thing that happened to me. It does not feel like it now.

I was gone so long, I don’t know how to post….lol


I have thought about wordpress here and there after being on my new internet for awhile. I think my service is too slow. By the time I get my essential work related stuff done and attempt to play online poker I am usually so disgusted I give up and try to clean my house. That is saying a lot from a stroke survivor to actually want to clean. I am really just trying to get rid of some hoarding tendencies, and get my house looking normal for my heating repair people to do their job. I can not even talk about the expense, or what I had to go through only to get turned down for help by social services because I “make too much money”. Ha, ha. I could not afford to buy turkey for thanksgiving dinner. I borrowed $20 from my son to buy a few things to last until the next payday. (which is today….yippee). My kids and granddaughter made it from Boston, a day later because of a snow storm. My son did a few much needed construction repairs to my home. My daughter tackled a few projects herself and cleaned more from where she left off from last visit.

My granddaughter is the cutest little devil, and too smart. She was pointing at things and trying to talk. So adorable. She destroyed everything she could reach on my headboard shelves. The pictures I tried to take of her again did not come out clear. She moves too fast, I move too slow. I can smile just thinking about her.

I had hoped to join planet fitness again today. Hoping that the third time is really the charm. I never made it. I had an appointment at social services again. I had to get rid of some of my garbage and recyclables that have been piling up. I had to get some basic food items, I got a cart load at one store. I got sidetracked after that when my car would not start up. I had a little panic attack. I thought I left my phone home. I opened my hood and tried to see if the battery terminals were dirty or not tightly connected. That is the extent of my mechanical skills. Anyway, my son was on his way next door to message our neighbors to come help via my kindle. The lady parked next to me came out and asked what was wrong. I told her it sounds weak let me show you how it sounds. I turned the key and it started. She helped me put the hood down. I thanked her quick so I could catch my son before he contacted the neighbors. I got to him just in time. I drove home, knowing I had to charge the battery some before shutting it off. I hope it starts tomorrow, I need peanut butter. I started to make cookies and forgot that I had not gone to the other store where I get my peanut butter. I hope my melted ingredients work tomorrow, or I will have to start over.