My Dark Pictures

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I have not learned how to tweak my digital pictures yet…bad enough I can not see well enough while I take them to know if they are in focus. I liked the lines of the trees (like always), the birds nest and mostly full moon. Nature is the ultimate designer.

I like dark pictures as much as bright ones.

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Waking Up Tired

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I don’t feel well. My eyeballs are dry and look reddish, I am sore all over. I am leaving for my trip of a lifetime in a few days. UUUUgggghhhh, I have so much to do, I need to push through. I am hoping my eyes are just dry from the car heat and house heat blasting away. I might be infecting thousands of travelers soon. I am going to travel even if I feel like crap….it might be my last chance.

My Lack of Connections

So I went out to my meetup group event last night. We listened to a two man band sing old songs in a bowling alley bar. It was a whole group of two. It was suggested by another member who is retired and lonely. So lonely she cried on New Years. (not me I was with my granddaughter) I had one mixed drink, Rum and Coke, my first since my stroke. It tasted so strong and I felt the buzz halfway through the small plastic cup. I was sitting down and knew I would be eating, not having another and have a few hours before I drove home. That all worked out. I ate the disgusting crust, mushy cheese pizza with sausage that my friend wanted to share. I had no budget to spend on better alternatives there. It was my sacrifice to make my friend feel better.

I have not eaten pork or beef (and other mammals) in about 13 years, long before my strokes…I have a leather jacket I bought at goodwill…I eat cheese but do not drink milk, I have also consumed some sausage on pizza in social situations rather than starve…in these 13 years all people think my eating habits are “weird” except one guy I used to work with that did not eat pork or beef for semi religious reasons, and my son that was formerly vegan but no longer and my older daughter understood my reasoning…everyone else I gave up explaining that I don’t eat things that have as much intelligence and feelings as humans plus the ethical choice of trying not to use more than my share of the planets resources…I am an atheist as well…it has been very hard to connect to anyone that shares my views in the general public much less the smaller group of survivors.

The second paragraph I just copied and pasted from a post I put on facebook. I have had trouble making true friends throughout my 51 years here on Earth. I still have not figured it out. Be what you want to attract “they” say. By “they” I mean the self help guru quote mongers. I don’t want to be lonely at the same time I can’t digest being around a bunch of idiots. That being said I am supposed to meet with the guy I have been seeing today. I hope to see him to discuss where our “relationship” is headed. I have not even discussed my weird eating habits to any extent to him. Other guys just seem to not be able to understand my reasoning.

When Expectations Happen

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I won’t even comment too much on my absence from blogging lately…it is the same of everything I try to get done. I took my camera out on my New Years Eve trip to Boston. I liked this landscaping grate, and my camera just went off giving me a random picture that I like even more than if I pointed and aimed.

I will be going on another journey next week at this time I will be sleeping at my older son’s new residence. He moved into his friend/girlfriends old farmhouse. I have yet to visit, it is 1 1/2 hours away. I have a once in my lifetime trip planned soon after. I will be flying in an airplane for the first time ever. I will be going on a 7 day cruise to countries I only dreamed about ever seeing. I will fill in all the details after I get back and my stroke brain recoups enough.

I have still been trying to go out with the meetup groups here and there. I have been trying to cut back on my food consumption so my shorts fit better. I am still seeing an old friend from school. We went to a movie and dinner last Friday, we text back and forth almost daily. He wants to see me again, possibly Saturday. I am still struggling to keep my 15 year old son going to school. He has a easy week next week, it is regents testing and he has more than one day off. He says it is the end of the marking period soon, so the freshmen seminar class he had to take and complained about almost daily will be over. That will make me feel better, not hearing the same complaints of how tough it is to be in school. How I wish I could just hang out in school again, or go to work. I have been thinking a lot lately of what I can do as a career. I can’t stand the isolation of staying home most of the time. I know my brain is too confused to do anything too complicated for long. I still am not mastering the shower and get ready for public thing too often.

2015 try try again

I have not given up trying to write on this blog. I have so much to do, and not to do on my lazy days. The internet speeds varies, and it is always slower than it used to be. WordPress is one of those sites I am lucky if I can read it, but don’t try to click on anything or post or I have to wait five minutes. Nobody got time for that…lol.

I went to my beloved auction last Friday. I was both happy and sad that I did not spend much. I was happy because I got a lot of amazing things. I was sad that what I wanted everybody else did too, and bid it up over my budget. It left no meat on the bone to resell. To borrow a phrase from the American Pickers.

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Here is something that was in a box lot of interesting booklets and pictures that I won the bid on. It has the original frame. I love the poem, so I copied it to my computer, shared on FB and now sharing here.
from a early 1900’s Reinthal and Newnan Publishers NY numbered souvenir print;

A Chum
The friend who sinks so deep in your heart,
That neither “hard luck” nor “fortune” can part;
Whose hopes and wishes are so entwined,
With those of your own, they’re all of a mind;
Whose soul your secrets you trust to alone,
As yours she trusts with those of her own;
Who’d go to the end of the World for you,
Go over the edge, and further on, too,
Go right to the limit, and “that’s going some”,
Is the only friend to call A Chum. – James Hough