Well Built

In days past, in my opinion, buildings were built with more pride of craftsmanship at all levels. It did not end at buildings. The beginning of the industrial age had many cool business’ that produced anything anyone could want. Then corporate greed somehow took over. Everyone practically has been trying to either screw someone out of profit so there will be more for themselves or try to get by without getting screwed from above. Civilization gets further from chaos as less and less of the basics of logic and needs are ignored. Buying goods can be a crapshoot, if you don’t do extensive research ahead of time.

My mind is in chaos thinking about things I should not have to think about. It should be easy and natural to meet my soulmate, right? Friends should be abundant and stick together. Everything I was ever taught or read for myself about humanity has not been turning out to be true. People are quick to turn on each other. People are quick to make judgements, jump to conclusions, manipulate, control, obsess, and hold useless grudges. I need to make space in my head for the positive. My positive thoughts need to fill that space. That will hopefully attract positive people. If not positive people, at least someone not so far out from what I consider normal. Does anyone just like to chill anymore?

July 30, 2015 by igneousidol Leave a comment

Where The Buffalo Roam

Only where humans tell them to….duh. There is no where to hide, no piece of land to hide away from the rest of the world and start a new heard of wild buffalo. There are not many places for humans to hide either, yet we can hide in plain sight if we try.

I went to trivia night tonight. I am probably the worst trivia player. I met new people, and observed how outgoing and upbeat they are. I am just the opposite, not because I want to be.

My new cat Luna came out of the bedroom last night. She marched right down the hall and started exploring the rest of the house like she was never scared. By morning she was back to sleeping inside the cabinet in the closet and staying to the bedroom. She might be scared of my dog. The dog has eaten her food twice. I make sure her bowl is filled though at all times. She feels too thin to me under all her fluffy fur.

July 29, 2015July 29, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: Buffalo, stroke recovery Leave a comment

My Only AC Is In My Car

I don’t get a commission on the sale of this car. I just happen to drive by it once in awhile. One of my drive by shootings, taken at the wrong time of day for optimal camera lighting.

I took the dog for a break from my oppressive house. It seemed too warm to sit around and stew for a straight 24 hours more. Now I am almost out of gas, and it is hot again today. The end of the month gets harder and harder to manage my nonexistent funds. I take on too much pet care. I try to work harding in listing my Ebay items for sale. The more I list the more disorganized my house becomes. I have packing materials all out of the bin. I blame the slow payers. If they had paid already my stuff would have been shipped out and I could clean up. I have a lame excuse for everything. It is starting to cool off and get dark. I forgot to water my garden, so off I go now until the mosquitos tell me otherwise.

July 28, 2015 by igneousidol Leave a comment

Who Am I?

Vintage owl, pic taken in Newport, RI.

I am alone with my thoughts, just me, myself, and I. Then there is also Asher Dashers my dog, and Luna the scaredy cat. So as I was saying I am alone with my thoughts most of the time. I have some chats on facebook. A email here and there, or a phone call a couple times a month at most is my only contact with the rest of the adult world since my stroke. I have been trying hard to make new friends with the singles meetup group. I run out of money to drive towards Syracuse as frequently as they want to get together. I am trying, giving it most of my attention lately since at the end of the day alone is what I feel most.

My pain in my neck has turned to soreness and is a bit less today. I have been swelling a bit from the heat. Even on my good side my ring was stuck on as I painfully tried to twist it off. I have been feeling brain dead too. Most likely a result of too much newness with the drive to get the new cat.

I lured the very timid cat out from under my son’s bed where she has been hiding. I used her feather toy. She was very curious. She let me pet her for a few minutes. She explored to the other side of the room. I moved her food and water bowls into there. She would not go past the doorway, she ran back under the bed. I am letting her get acclimated in her own time. I hope she ventures out by tomorrow though. I am going to try to interact with her again tonight. I am trying not to make any loud scary noises. Today there was the loud garbage trucks, and other loud construction and traffic noise.

I am going to take the dog outside, even though she is peacefully snoring on the couch now. She can watch me water the plants and clean up her poo. I might then take her for a short drive, so she can work out her sniffer. Then I will put her in the bedroom as I try to interact with the cat. That will be pretty much all I accomplished today. I also showered and went to the local store.

July 27, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: loneliness, new pet, stroke, stroke recovery Leave a comment

Feeling Sore

Last night the back of my neck hurt. Today I feel a soreness radiating out from there. It is probably from driving so much yesterday. I am not sure, but I know the hot weather is not helping. It stormed last night, so I did not have to water my garden last night.

First night with the new cat was uneventful. She is still hiding in my son’s room. She would not come out from under his bed. I placed her can of cat food there early this morning. She did eat about half of it by afternoon. I am trying to be quiet to not startle her. I will be washing dishes and making pizza this afternoon and evening. If she does not venture out by evening, I will probably take Ashley for a ride to leave the house quiet. Ash will be tired and ready to sleep shut in my bedroom for the night after that. I have let her out on the couch to sleep for now, she has been good obeying me not to eat the cat food. I know as soon as I leave her out of sight she will lick the cats bowl clean.

July 26, 2015July 26, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: new cat in house, pets, stroke, stroke recovery Leave a comment

Beautiful Opportunities

I took this pic while out at a party on a patio event that they have every Thursday at a restaurant on the lake. I love it around here in the summer. Not too far away if Oneida Lake, and just a bit farther is Lake Ontario, or the Finger Lakes. There are so many scenic views and stories waiting to be told.

I will be leaving shortly for a last minute planned road trip to adopt a cat. I have so much to get ready at my house, in my car, in my mind to make this run smoothly today. I cant wait to meet the new queen and then share with all of internetland.

July 25, 2015July 25, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: cat adoption, Oneida Lake, stroke, stroke recovery Leave a comment

Todays Beautiful Day Is Interrupted By Chores Indoors

I am finally changing my nasty shower curtain all by myself. It is very hard to get these cheap plastic rings off. I finally have them off and back onto the new curtain that is mostly still folded up. I am taking a break before I attempt to put the bar back with the curtain on it one handed. My left arm shakes too much if I lift it over my head. I have to settle for sometimes opening a door or turning off a light switch.

After the big shower curtain change, I hope to have the ambition to clean out the tub. I also want to clean out the whole bathroom because I might get a new to me cat tomorrow. Stay tuned until Caturday. I need to move my two cabinets out of the bathroom to make way for the litter box.

I did go out this morning. I took a package to the mailbox, then sat on the front porch while my dog did her morning business. I tried to go back to sleep because I felt dizzy and brain dead. I was all comfy when my lawncare people showed up. I have been awake ever since. I managed to eat leftovers from yesterday, but no shower yet. I listed a few things on Ebay, and might do a few more. I then hope to take a bath if I get my tub all scrubbed out.

It is all good. I can not stay outdoors long anyway, I will sunburn.

July 24, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: Caturday, stroke, stroke recovery Leave a comment

Stars Day Or Night

The stars do not come out at night, they are there all along. The sun does not set, the earth spins to give a different perspective of its brightness. I had a stroke and have been shining inside all along. My thoughts are the same, yet everything is more urgent now. It might have nothing to do with the stroke. It might just be I realize how much I let others drag me down. It is not just people I know, I feel burdened by others pain, others choices. I am trying to shut out the outside world now, but still participate in it so I can see my light shining inside.

All I have done today was make dinner, weed and water my garden, and drive to the pharmacy. I also worked a little bit on Ebay, and that will be what I spend the rest of the evening on. I am also reading my book club book. It is Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, interestingly not very far into the book he seems hypocritical like me. I am curious to see how it pans out. I know it will not change the way I eat. I pretty much think I have that down, unless I can someday afford my own personal chef.

Driving home from the pharmacy I was thinking I should have taken my dog for a run and me for a walk. I have said this a million times before, I need to walk everyday. If I remember, tomorrow might be the day I start.

July 23, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: anxiety, single parent, stroke, stroke recovery, women over 50 Leave a comment

When One Door Opens

Close the damn door. Or is it, When one door closes open the damn door. Anyhow I stumbled into a revolving door. The guy that dumped me contacted me and asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink. Weirdos have been coming out of the woodwork leaving messages for me on plenty of fish. The one I am glad that got away has been making me thankful after he posts his whining for random stuff on fb. With this and more swirling in my head as I was driving to trivia night, tears started to fall. I realized I have made bad choices in the past and I am not much better at making them now. I am a bad combo of naive, suspicious, and impatient.

Despite my philosophical drive, I had a good time at trivia. I laughed, I contributed, I lingered and was the last of my group out. I wish the good times could last longer. I wish I knew how to make it so. I don’t know my superpower. I had to stop and buy toothpaste on the way home. I also picked up a 6 pack of snack sized candy bars. It was my full intention to eat them all at once. I only had three and think I will leave the rest for the future. It might be the middle of the night or the middle of next weekend.

In other news, I picked up some dog food and picked up the book at the library for my next book club meeting. I brought in the laundry left on the line overnight. I did not water my garden. I had a needy pit bull when I got home and did not have the heart to leave her one more time today. She even knocked over my computer monitor trying to get my attention. I don’t think I am going anywhere tomorrow.

July 22, 2015July 22, 2015 by igneousidol Tags: loneliness, relationships, single parent, single women, stroke, stroke recovery Leave a comment

Sweet Peas

My snack, third and most productive gathering. I am not sure if they are dying off, time will tell.

I will make my goal of not going to the store or anywhere except to the post office until Wednesday. Tomorrow I will need to buy Ash food and I am going to trivia night. I hope I get enough work done around the house tonight and tomorrow to deserve it.

So far today, I watered the garden. Washed one load of clothes. Put a pole up and put cucumber vines up on it. Picked up the pieces of my broken clay pot. Cleaned up several disaster piles around the house. Looked helplessly for my lost food stamp card. Listed some arcade cards on Ebay. Called my sons. Messaged my mother. Got attacked by a rambunctious dog, meaning she threw her body weight on my while I was lying down. Thankfully she has been her usual calm and sleepy self the rest of the day.

Speaking of arcade cards, here is a poem circa 1948 that was on one:

“Good Seat, Eh Wot?”

“I’m thankful that the sun and moon,
are both hung up so high,
That no pretentious hand can stretch,
and pull them from the sky;
But if they were not I’d have no doubt,
that some reforming ass,
would recommend we take them down,
and light the world with gas.”

BTW, arcade cards were like a thin cardboard postcard prize you won at an arcade, you collected and traded them. They had pin-ups, comics, movies stars, western themes, etc.

July 21, 2015 by igneousidol Leave a comment