It’s 2:33 AM. I am letting off steam

 

Right now my heart is racing, I am no longer shaking. I starting shaking when I read the guy that broke up with me is now in a relationship. I am so hurt, I have been hurt for awhile. I poured so much energy into what I thought was the love of my life.

I am wondering if I will ever find somebody that loves me…for more than a month or year…I want someone forever. I want to learn what I am doing wrong. I have asked, and got no answers. I love myself. I know I will not meet anyone staying home about 99% of the time.

So I am not a big believer in horoscope, but for shizz and giggles I recently signed up for a daily horoscope to be sent to my inbox. This was todays:

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There’s a mounting tension that, if you let build without release, could be destructive. Let off steam periodically throughout the day. By the way, you could use a few more tools for stress relief in your arsenal.

I was actually told in rehab that one of my contributing factors to my stroke was I did not deal with stress well. I think I am dealing with this recent stress just fine. The shaking and heart racing thing scares me. WTF. I guess I need to stop thinking all together to be happy.

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2 thoughts on “It’s 2:33 AM. I am letting off steam

  1. It seems you are asking for advice, although you don specifically do so. So, although I don’t give unsolicited advice, here goes: (1) breathe – start a kundalini yoga practice that asks you to focus on your breath; it calms and centers you, plus has a beneficial effect on the healthy parts of your brain. And (2), study Buddhism; No, I’m not trying to convert you – Buddhism is a philosophy, not a religion; it teaches that happiness comes from within rather than being dependent on your circumstances. It’s very hard work, but you can get there.

    As for your ex, if he was too shallow to persevere, I feel sorry for him. It’s hard to live that way..

  2. Thanks for the advice, I certainly like all advice and constructive criticism…I have the never ending question of my all my relationships have ended the same way since my stroke, I was hurt the most the last time because it left me with so many unanswered questions of what am I doing wrong, so yes I am begging for all the advice I can get, so I won’t be lonely forever…I love myself and was happy until a notice popped in front of my face, the physical reaction was immediate, and I have calmed myself and can get on with my life. Yet, I still have to live with unanswered questions

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