I am still incapacitated by sadness

First visit from the grandkids since covid started.

That was a happy day. The kids wanted to get their kites flying even though there was no wind. They came to get one of my younger son’s nerf guns I had in my storage area. The excitement of all the talking, dinner, outside running (by them, not me) left me fatigued. That has been normal for me after my stroke. I can only handle like three things in one day, not three million.

Today reading small snippets of the news made me so sad. I physically cried off and on thinking about it. I did a of laundry and watered my plants. I ate a dinner of a cheese stick and a roll. The rest of the time I watched youtube videos of Portugal and rescue animals. I am waiting for it to cool off enough to bake banana bread. I am still wondering how so many can not see the need to do something proactive that is not insane. We should not expect veterans to have to work in their golden years trying to protect school children. We should not expect teachers to teach and do the job of the trained swat team that took too long. We should not have to bear witness to those with no empathy or regard to life while they sit protected in their gun love fest that is not allowing guns. They will listed to other dumb horrible people yammer on about getting gun hard-ons. They will say a useless and meaningless short prayer without even thinking about young lives flashing by and gone too soon. Fuck them all, they are MONSTERS. Fuck the NRA.

Fuck all corporate greed and greedy guys who carry on without any fucks to give.

I shared a quote from Charles M. Blow (I used to follow him on Twitter, now that Twitter suspended me I can not view much on their platform, so Fuck Twitter too with a capital F); “One does not have to operate with malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”

I want to do more than sign petitions, I want everyone to sign, call their reps and demand common sense gun laws now.

the nra is deplorable…only greedy selfish monsters will attend the nra meeting, except those there to picket or heckle speakers off the stage

I lost my twitter appeal




“Hello,

Your account has been suspended and will not be restored because it was found to be violating the Twitter Terms of Service, specifically the Twitter Rules against participating in targeted abuse.

In order to ensure that people feel safe expressing diverse opinions and beliefs on our platform, we do not tolerate abusive behavior. This includes inciting other people to engage in the targeted harassment of someone.”
 
I am deemed by them to be a BAD influence…yet dump jr is still on their spewing his hate with his backdrop of biden hanging from a helicopter. OK twitter, your choice. Now that I have something in common with the orange blob, maybe I can deprogram his kult? I am trying to be more productive with all my newly freed up time. Of course I am not going to use my time to try to connect with other people like twitter allowed me to have 17,000 followers, not a single one of them even messaged me to see if I am ok. Just like real life, I have no real friends.

I set all my seedlings out on the patio to harden off. I decided they needed tough love since I was getting dizzy bringing them out one or two at a time. (I can only use one hand so can not handle a heavy tray) My arm still hurt yesterday and I am not sure what I strained it on. The heaviest thing I lifted was a watering can.

I did not see the fox family outside yesterday, I did look out around the same time in the evening. I assume momma took them somewhere else to play. I think I hear them yip/chirp once in awhile, previously I thought that sound was a bird.

I did not see the hummingbird return after I hung out my new feeder. I am wondering if I should paint some red on the top of the lid to attract them? I hope some of my wildflowers grow that might help draw them in.

It is slaughter innocent lives day, in the USA again today

I hope every nra member feels safe, I sure don’t. I hope Gov. Abbot feels guilty for not trying to pass common sense gun laws while he has taken nra blood money. He can take his “thoughts and prayers” and shove them up his ass.

I wish I had enough money to move my whole family and grandkids to a different country. The 30% in the USA that like it being the wild gun toting west can go f*ck themselves. Gun violence makes the USA a shithole country.

It is not too soon to talk about gun control, it is too late. Mother f*ckers should get them all confiscated and melted down NOW, in my opinion.

Life is precious, your cold hard steel is not precious…and most likely will not save you. Your callousness and inaction is killing me, does anyone care about my damn rights and freedoms? Does anyone care about the rights and freedoms for children to learn without getting injured or killed?

Melt the guns and make garden planters out of them. Planting more trees and having less lawn are more likely to save you than a f*cking gun.

Please discuss, pass immediate measures now, stop sweeping the tough stuff under the rug, call out those that take the nra blood money, make everyone that insists on owning a gun to have insurance and registration after taking safety classes, pass more red flag laws, DO SOMETHING, please vote for BETO!

My Neighbors Are Cows

Moo

They are scrawny, in my opinion, some are spray painted I assume to denote meds given. I live in a very rural area. I drive by houses with both signs for Black Lives Matter and the “stars and bars” Confederate losers flag as well as the current loser donald dump. It is hard to believe there are so many terrible people that live nearby. I don’t mind having cows across the street, they don’t have guns or build bombs.

Often when something bad happens like a mass shooter incident I can’t help feel more than just empathy and sadness. I feel helpless. I feel disgust. I feel as a stroke survivor that can’t move quickly that if anything bad happens while I am out and about I will be even less useless when dead from fright.

I just finished a book about naturally occurring events like earthquakes and floods. The Big Ones by Dr. Lucy Jones. She said we feel a need to “blame” others throughout history when bad things happen. They used to blame people being punished by gods when a volcano ruined a whole village for example. She told how as a society we need to try to stop blaming and instead try to understand the science, and prepare for the inevitable. I think her book should be required reading for everyone that works in the government or a municipality. The world in general needs better planning and organizing to prepare for what nature will throw our way. We also need better planning and organizing to deal with the unnatural uneducated fools that think having more quantity and more powerful guns will “save them”. None of these leading causes of death in the USA could be “cured” with a gun. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/leading-causes-of-death.htm

I was kicked off Twitter Again

Last years’s container garden

I had over 17,100 followers. I was on it everyday when I was not banned. I learned to spend less time on there because it did take away precious time from real life. The good things I will miss about twitter was sharing many animal rescue petitions, ebay listings for both myself (and my bf since I list some things for him) and my daughter (she is trying to start a new vintage resale biz), #StrokeAwarenessMonth posts, some of the people I followed were wonderful and famous like Stella Parton, Stephen King, Patricia Arquette. Mostly I spent more time on twitter trying to get rid of donald dump from the political scene. Who would have ever thought that such a loser would be one of the leaders of a horrible hate Kult? His followers are either brainwashed or just as horribly deplorable people as his racist, rapist, grifting lying family. If you are one of his fans, please stop following me. WordPress is for now my soapbox whilst (I have been watching a lot of foreign youtube and netflix) my Twitter account goes through the appeal process which is far less just than American justice.

Things in real life I will be hopefully spending more time on is my container garden (I live in an apartment). I asked the apartment manager last year if I could use part of the expansive lawn (that no one uses) to build a raised bed. She looked at me like I lost my f*cking mind, before she quickly said no. She told me to plant in the narrow space between the lawn and building that gets mostly pelted with rain coming off the part of the roof without gutters. Also, I was to do this in front of other peoples patio’s and windows? Excuse me I respect people’s private space as I hope others stay the F away from my windows too. So this year I have tiny seedlings I started, last year I started earlier and they grew bigger by this time. I have added a few more grow lights but my only two window spaces face northwest…mostly north. I have my bee waterer set out (shown above in last years pic) and I might make a second one this year that perhaps could also be a bird bath. Why are bird baths so expensive? I like the concrete ones but they are too heavy for me. I would love to hang my bird feeder farther out in the “lawn”, but I am not allowed to block the path of the person paid to mow the grass so short he scrapes dirt. There are good things and bad things about this years garden possibilities. Bad is the place I got some amazing geraniums and other plants is out of business, they planned on retiring before covid and their place sold last year. Good is my son and daughter in law said I could do some container gardening on their land. Bad is I don’t know if I have enough time and money to plant all the seedlings I started. Oh well, at least I am not totally banned from gardening too. Now I need to have 17,000 followers on wordpress.

My Body Hurts

This was my favorite sculpture at the art park. It was called “Dervish”

It has been a few days since walking around the art park. My body still hurts. My left foot is swollen a bit and it is not even hot out.

I have to plant my eggplant, pepper, and tomato plants before I go out of state to babysit my granddaughter for a week. It is supposed to rain everyday, I will have to try to do it between raindrops.

I made a short youtube video of daisies blowing in the breeze. If you want to see it, here is the link: https://youtu.be/I3FHQdLsZMI

I Saw A Lot Of Wildflowers Today

I love Daisies

And these purple ones

I walked as much as I could today. We went to an art park. It had equal amount of interesting nature and great views. I noticed the wildflowers first. They had fields of them.

I am sore now. For some reason I hurt for days after walking. My knees are the first to complain. They were ready to give up. I need to keep on keeping on. I hope to lose enough weight this summer to make a difference in my strength and endurance. I hate feeling like I am 100 years old.