Pic of some Petunias and Marigolds…bright color, low maintenance.
I am reading this book for my book club, Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. These two lines I love:
“No one fired a pistol to mark the start of the race to the bottom. The earth just tilted and everyone slid into the hole.”
Post stroke, I feel like I was the only one trying to warn others about sliding into the hole. My feedback, as I understand it, is they are happy at the bottom. I am crazy for scratching and clinging and refusing to slide back. I have resolved to continue on my own, let others fend for themselves, bite my tongue instead of saying “I told you so”.
Of course it was not my stroke that made no one listen and understand me. It has always been that way. I am just now realizing it.
On a totally different note. I am going to the beach tomorrow. I am so excited to have a road trip, swim, meet new people maybe all on the same day. I am not looking forward to carrying my cooler, camp chair and bag of other stuff in multiple trips with bad gait and spastic clenched arm. It will not be a good first impression. I am hopeful the few people I do know will show up.
In days past, in my opinion, buildings were built with more pride of craftsmanship at all levels. It did not end at buildings. The beginning of the industrial age had many cool business’ that produced anything anyone could want. Then corporate greed somehow took over. Everyone practically has been trying to either screw someone out of profit so there will be more for themselves or try to get by without getting screwed from above. Civilization gets further from chaos as less and less of the basics of logic and needs are ignored. Buying goods can be a crapshoot, if you don’t do extensive research ahead of time.
My mind is in chaos thinking about things I should not have to think about. It should be easy and natural to meet my soulmate, right? Friends should be abundant and stick together. Everything I was ever taught or read for myself about humanity has not been turning out to be true. People are quick to turn on each other. People are quick to make judgements, jump to conclusions, manipulate, control, obsess, and hold useless grudges. I need to make space in my head for the positive. My positive thoughts need to fill that space. That will hopefully attract positive people. If not positive people, at least someone not so far out from what I consider normal. Does anyone just like to chill anymore?
Only where humans tell them to….duh. There is no where to hide, no piece of land to hide away from the rest of the world and start a new heard of wild buffalo. There are not many places for humans to hide either, yet we can hide in plain sight if we try.
I went to trivia night tonight. I am probably the worst trivia player. I met new people, and observed how outgoing and upbeat they are. I am just the opposite, not because I want to be.
My new cat Luna came out of the bedroom last night. She marched right down the hall and started exploring the rest of the house like she was never scared. By morning she was back to sleeping inside the cabinet in the closet and staying to the bedroom. She might be scared of my dog. The dog has eaten her food twice. I make sure her bowl is filled though at all times. She feels too thin to me under all her fluffy fur.
I don’t get a commission on the sale of this car. I just happen to drive by it once in awhile. One of my drive by shootings, taken at the wrong time of day for optimal camera lighting.
I took the dog for a break from my oppressive house. It seemed too warm to sit around and stew for a straight 24 hours more. Now I am almost out of gas, and it is hot again today. The end of the month gets harder and harder to manage my nonexistent funds. I take on too much pet care. I try to work harding in listing my Ebay items for sale. The more I list the more disorganized my house becomes. I have packing materials all out of the bin. I blame the slow payers. If they had paid already my stuff would have been shipped out and I could clean up. I have a lame excuse for everything. It is starting to cool off and get dark. I forgot to water my garden, so off I go now until the mosquitos tell me otherwise.
Vintage owl, pic taken in Newport, RI.
I am alone with my thoughts, just me, myself, and I. Then there is also Asher Dashers my dog, and Luna the scaredy cat. So as I was saying I am alone with my thoughts most of the time. I have some chats on facebook. A email here and there, or a phone call a couple times a month at most is my only contact with the rest of the adult world since my stroke. I have been trying hard to make new friends with the singles meetup group. I run out of money to drive towards Syracuse as frequently as they want to get together. I am trying, giving it most of my attention lately since at the end of the day alone is what I feel most.
My pain in my neck has turned to soreness and is a bit less today. I have been swelling a bit from the heat. Even on my good side my ring was stuck on as I painfully tried to twist it off. I have been feeling brain dead too. Most likely a result of too much newness with the drive to get the new cat.
I lured the very timid cat out from under my son’s bed where she has been hiding. I used her feather toy. She was very curious. She let me pet her for a few minutes. She explored to the other side of the room. I moved her food and water bowls into there. She would not go past the doorway, she ran back under the bed. I am letting her get acclimated in her own time. I hope she ventures out by tomorrow though. I am going to try to interact with her again tonight. I am trying not to make any loud scary noises. Today there was the loud garbage trucks, and other loud construction and traffic noise.
I am going to take the dog outside, even though she is peacefully snoring on the couch now. She can watch me water the plants and clean up her poo. I might then take her for a short drive, so she can work out her sniffer. Then I will put her in the bedroom as I try to interact with the cat. That will be pretty much all I accomplished today. I also showered and went to the local store.
Last night the back of my neck hurt. Today I feel a soreness radiating out from there. It is probably from driving so much yesterday. I am not sure, but I know the hot weather is not helping. It stormed last night, so I did not have to water my garden last night.
First night with the new cat was uneventful. She is still hiding in my son’s room. She would not come out from under his bed. I placed her can of cat food there early this morning. She did eat about half of it by afternoon. I am trying to be quiet to not startle her. I will be washing dishes and making pizza this afternoon and evening. If she does not venture out by evening, I will probably take Ashley for a ride to leave the house quiet. Ash will be tired and ready to sleep shut in my bedroom for the night after that. I have let her out on the couch to sleep for now, she has been good obeying me not to eat the cat food. I know as soon as I leave her out of sight she will lick the cats bowl clean.
I took this pic while out at a party on a patio event that they have every Thursday at a restaurant on the lake. I love it around here in the summer. Not too far away if Oneida Lake, and just a bit farther is Lake Ontario, or the Finger Lakes. There are so many scenic views and stories waiting to be told.
I will be leaving shortly for a last minute planned road trip to adopt a cat. I have so much to get ready at my house, in my car, in my mind to make this run smoothly today. I cant wait to meet the new queen and then share with all of internetland.